You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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