Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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