I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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