Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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