I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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