Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Dignity is for republicans.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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