I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
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Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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