I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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