you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
