problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
