I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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