Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
