Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
