I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
