I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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