I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
