but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
