Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
its liver damage thursday
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
