if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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