I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
The beers last night were like the tears from god
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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