come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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