someone threw a dead crab at me
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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