At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
