Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
