Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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