dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
