yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
