Whats the glycemic index on semen?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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