Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
