Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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