i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just found a bag of teeth...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
