The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
