there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
