jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
