I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
