And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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