Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
