I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Michael Bay diarrhea
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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