You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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