You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
being pregnant is like rehab
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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