Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
