i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
