You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
