STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
