last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
