i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
