Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
