In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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