If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
