Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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