Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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