meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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