i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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