i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
