Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
