Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
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