booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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