Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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