I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
