my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
