i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm both gender and math confused
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
