My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
