So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Just took my morning after pill in the library
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
