If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
