Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
