Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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