he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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