Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
