he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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