this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
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I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
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Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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