Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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