someone threw a dead crab at me
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
