I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
