do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
