and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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