i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
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I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
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My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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