Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
