Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
