you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
