i just had sex bonerless
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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