So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Randomize
