i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
