i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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