The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
